


(And I Can, So I Will, And You'll) See Your Hero Come Running

by Just_East



Series: Big Gay High School AU [8]
Category: Fire Emblem Echoes: Mou Hitori no Eiyuu Ou | Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Attempted Sexual Assault, Awkward Conversations, Bittersweet, Boys In Love, Communication, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Gaslighting, Healing, Heart-to-Heart, Hope, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:08:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24595048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_East/pseuds/Just_East
Summary: Gray knew it was a shitty idea from the moment he'd had it.But he just, he needed to talk to Tobin. Just for five minutes.  Just to hold him for five minutes.So when Gray heard through the grapevine that Faye was throwing a party and that Tobin was supposedly coming, he couldn't resist.
Relationships: Alm & Gray (Fire Emblem), Fols | Forsyth/Lukas/Python, Gray & Kliff (Fire Emblem), Gray/Robin | Tobin, Python & Robin | Tobin
Series: Big Gay High School AU [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1055234
Kudos: 14





	1. What If I Never Let You Down? (I'm Sorry For The Nights I Can't Remember)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> I'm intending to try to finish this series, but man there's a lot to get through.
> 
> Please be aware of the tags! All the morally gross stuff happens between Tobin and Faye, so please be aware of that.

"Are they dating now?" Gray wondered out loud absently.

"Who?" Clive raised a brow.

They were at Gray's house. Clive had taken to coming over at least once a week to check on him.

Gray tried to stay sober when he thought Clive was coming, but Clive proved harder to predict than he'd expected. 

"Tobin and Lukas." He paused. "I suppose he's in a foursome now then."

Gray wasn't drunk. He was sober and only a little hungover. He had been sober for four days this week. Not in a row.

It was a sad record for him. But it was still a record. Still progress.

"Just focus on you, Gray." Clive said softly.

_Just focus on getting better._

But what was better? Because he certainly didn't feel better.

He hadn't spoken to Tobin in three months now.

Gray should be used to it. But he wasn't.

It was like an ache he couldn't seem to get rid of. Drinking didn't get rid of it either. So he tried his best to be better. For Tobin.

He didn't always manage it, but he tried. God, did he try.

~

"I don't know, Faye. It just hurts, you know?" Tobin mumbled.

He was a little tipsy, a true lightweight, considering he had only had two beers before the thought of drinking more had him depressed. 

Tobin had only been drunk a handful of times and while he didn't mind it at the time, it was different now.

"You gotta talk to him, Tobin." Faye urged quietly.

They were sitting on her bed, backs against the wall and only inches apart. The booming music from the party that was going on downstairs was muffled so only the pumping bass could be heard, and Tobin was thankful for a break from it.

The loud music and the kitchen full of booze and the dancing drunk people was too painful a reminder of Gray for Tobin to enjoy any of it.

"I can't, Faye. I know what'll happen. I'll just... I'll cave and take him back and he'll never get better." Tobin drew up his knees and buried his face into them.

"So what if you take him back? You're miserable, Tobin! And so is he. Don't you think he could use your support right now?" Faye was turned towards him, eyes wide, and way too bright.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Tobin whispered, looking away.

"You can't just run away when things get tough." Faye said, tone deceptively soft.

It hurt.

She, Alm, Cliff, Gray, and Tobin had all known each other since kindergarten, and it hurt to know she thought he was doing Gray wrong.

"Hey, cheer up, Tobin." Faye put a hand on his shoulder and smiled at him softly. "I know a way you can forget about Gray."

"Yeah?" Tobin asked softly, not really believing that _anything_ could make him forget about Gray or the Gray sized hole in his life.

"Yeah." She said, shifting from her sitting position so that she was kneeling in front of him.

"Faye? What are you-" Tobin asked, confused.

"You can't have Gray right now. And _I_ can't have Alm right now, but we can have each other." Faye whispered, inching closer until she was practically in Tobin's lap.

"Faye, I-" Tobin tried protesting, alarmed.

He wasn't interested in girls at all, nevermind _Faye_. And even if he had been, he would never want it like _this_.

"Shhh, Tobi." She breathed before kissing him.

Tobin turned his face away, breaking the kiss as his heart ached at the familiar nickname.

"Faye-" Tobin tried again, alcohol and panic making his limbs uncooperative and uncoordinated as he tried to push the girl on top of him away.

"Tobin. Maybe if you had let loose a little and didn't cry and run away from every problem you came across you wouldn't be in this situation with Gray." Faye pulled back only enough to look him in the eye as she cut him down. "I _need_ this. And so do you."

Tobin bit his lip as she leaned in to kiss his neck. The feeling sent an unpleasant shudder through his body.

The words _hurt_ , almost as badly as the idea of Gray thinking he was a coward hurt.

Tobin _had_ cried and run away from Gray, he'd run and hidden away behind Python and Lukas because he was too _weak_ to face Gray head on.

Tobin felt heat begin to gather in his eyes.

_No_. Tobin tried desperately to hold back. He would _not_ cry here.

"That's it, Tobi, just relax." Faye cooed as she licked his ear, hands already undoing his belt. "This'll be fun, and you'll be able to forget all about Gray soon."

Tobin squeezed his eyes shut as she opened his pants, trying to hold in the tears and the scream that wanted to leave him. 

He didn't want this.

But maybe it was what he deserved.

"And just what in the _hell_ is going on here?"

~

Gray knew it was a shitty idea from the moment he'd had it.

But he just, he needed to talk to Tobin. Just for five minutes. Just to hold him for five minutes.

So when Gray heard through the grapevine that Faye was throwing a party and that Tobin was supposedly coming, he couldn't resist.

~

The party wasn't as much of a disaster at first as Gray had expected.

People whispered around him.

By now everyone knew about what was going on with him.

He found the alcohol wasn't as tempting as he had expected. 

Not when he could see a suspicious looking Forsyth watching him closely. Not when he knew Tobin was there somewhere.

Gray tried not to grimace when three different people offered him drinks.

Including none other than Python, who shook a bottle of vodka in his face.

"Want some of this, Gray?" Python had a lazy grin on his face, but there was something hard and cautious behind his eyes.

"No thanks, Python." Gray contemplated playing dumb, but he knew better. 

"I know I shouldn't be here. But I just, I had to see him. I don't care if you watch and listen or whatever, I just... need to see him." Gray struggled to beg without sounding like he was begging.

Python eyed him, expression softening slightly.

"He's upstairs." Python said after a moment. "I am gonna come with, just so you know." 

Gray could have cried.

But he just nodded and let Python lead the way towards the staircase.

Gray was surprised to see Alm and Kliff sitting near the top of the stairs, playing chopsticks with their fingers.

The sound of the party was more muffled here, and it seemed like they were taking a break from the chaos downstairs.

It looked like Kliff was winning their game, which wasn't surprising.

"Gray!" Alm greeted, surprise lighting his features. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Hey Alm. Hey Kliff." Gray greeted his friends with a respectful nod, aware of Kliff's sharp, distrustful eyes on him. "I came... I came to talk to Tobi. I just wanna tell him myself that I'm trying to get better."

"Python's gonna babysit you during your chat?" Kliff sniffed with a small sneer, eyes on Python who was just behind Gray.

A couple months ago, his attitude would have pissed Gray off, but he just found that he felt reassured instead.

If he wasn't around to watch Tobin's back, he was glad that Kliff was.

"Yeah," Python agreed, sighing as though he hadn't flat out told Gray he would be coming along. "Lukas is normally chief babysitter but he doesn't care for parties so I got stuck with him."

Kliff laughed, and Gray couldn't help cracking a small smile.

"I'm glad, Gray." Alm broke in, a genuine smile on his lips. "I know things are... rough between you and Tobin right now, but I think you coming to tell Tobin in person that you want to do better will help both of you."

Alm hesitated for a moment before adding, "It's easy to see that he really misses you even if he won't talk about it."

"I miss him too, Alm." Gray said solemnly. "But I get why it has to be this way. I just... I just need to see him one last time. I got some stuff I need to tell him, you know?"

"I'm relieved to see you're actually taking this seriously now, Gray." Kliff said, voice quiet but tone warmer than he'd directed at Gray in months. "You really hurt him, but he's not the only one. We're your friends too, Gray, and watching you throw your life away has been hard for all of us."

Gray looked down at the worn stairs, feeling too ashamed to say anything.

"Kliff's right," Alm said quietly, and Gray looked at his sad expression. "We _are_ your friends, Gray. And we want to help you. I don't really know what I can do, but if you think of something, please- please tell me."

Alm looked away then, expression more defeated than Gray had ever seen. It put something heavy in his gut.

"We can talk more another time. Tobin's with Faye, probably crying all over her pillowcases." Kliff said softly. "You should talk to him."

Gray nodded, accepting the hug Alm gave him when he stood up to let Gray and Python pass.

The short walk to Faye's bedroom was silent, Python a watchful shadow behind him.

"Let me go first." Python said, once they'd reached the door. "You might give him a heart attack."

Gray felt his lips twitch into a smile, but let Python open the door and walk in first.

Gray almost walked into Python's back when he stopped, barely a step in the door.

"And just what in the _hell_ is going on here?" Python nearly snarled, a hot kind of anger in his voice that Gray had never heard before.

Suddenly, Gray had a terrible feeling.

"Python! It's rude not to knock!" Faye replied, sounding annoyed. 

Python took another two steps into the room, and Gray quickly followed.

Gray froze at the sight in front of him, a cold fury suddenly igniting in his gut. 

Faye was sitting in Tobin's lap, her hands in his pants.

But it wasn't the position or the act that sent fire through his veins, it was Tobin's expression.

"Gray. Get your friends." Python's voice sounded almost strangled, and it broke Gray out of his rage. "Now."

Gray hesitated only a moment before backing towards the door and calling out for Alm and Kliff on the staircase.

"Get off him. Now." Python sounded murderous, and when Gray looked back into the room, he could see Python pull out his phone.

"Go away, Python. You're not his mother, you can't tell him or me what to do." Faye scoffed, resolutely _not_ moving.

Tobin had lost the battle against his tears, and Gray's heart ached at his expression. His eyes were squeezed shut as he tried uselessly to hold back to the tears that were running down his cheeks.

Faye probably hadn't noticed that Tobin was crying; he hadn't made a sound.

"Lukas?" Python said into his phone, body tense and eyes fixed on the pair on the bed. "Yeah, can you please come pick me and Tobin up, and please call Forsyth and tell him I need him upstairs before I _fuck someone up_."

His voice was tight, barely civil, and likely only civil because of who was on the phone.

Gray was surprised, and a little awed, as he guessed Alm and Kliff were, based on their expressions once they were in earshot.

None of them had ever seen Python anywhere near this worked up before.

Python shoved his phone in his pocket again before taking another step towards the bed, completely ignoring the three teens in the doorway for the moment.

"I'll say this nicely one more time." Python hissed, colder than ice. "Fucking get _off_ of him before I _make you_."

"Fuck off, Python!" Faye hissed back, not once having looked at Tobin since Python and Gray had entered.

Tobin's eyes were open now, and he was watching Gray through watery eyes.

"Faye?" It was Alm who spoke, sounding scared for the first time Gray could ever recall. "What- what are you doing to Tobin?"

That caught Faye's attention, and her eyes snapped to Alm, wide with horror for a second.

"It's not what it looks like, Alm!" She cried, immediately getting off of Tobin.

As soon as she was off of him, a wet sob broke out from Tobin's chest.

Gray couldn't stop his feet, before he could process anything, he was next to Tobin and pulling him against his chest.

"Then what is it, Faye?" Alm demanded, sounding like he was starting to get angry too. "Cause it looks like you were- were about to _rape_ Tobin!"

Gray didn't look over, just holding Tobin through his sobs. He was clutching at Gray's shirt, his grip white knuckled.

"Rape?!" Faye shrieked, causing Tobin to flinch. "What are you talking about? Tobin said he wanted to forget about Gray, so we were just going to mess around a bit."

Tobin was crying harder; messy, snotty tears soaking into Gray's shirt.

"Do you think we're fucking stupid?" It was Python snarling now, sounding ready to throttle Faye where she stood. "You expect anyone to believe that _bullshit_?!"

"Python!" Gray looked up from Tobin to see Forsyth entering the room, immediately putting himself between Python and Faye.

"Are you calling me a liar?!" She screeched back.

"Whether he is or not, I sure as hell am!" Kliff interjected angrily. "Do you see him, Faye? He's _crying_."

"Gray..." Tobin whispered wetly against Gray's chest. "Gray, I-I don't wanna be h-here anymore. P-Python c-called L-Lukas?"

"Tobin cries over _everything_ , Kliff! Its not new." Faye scoffed callously.

"You fucking-" Python snarled, and Gray watched as Forsyth had to bodily hold his boyfriend back.

"Python!" Gray called, relieved when he stopped trying to get through Forsyth to kill Faye and looked at them. "Is Lukas here yet?"

Python seemed to look at Tobin's trembling form and tried to force himself to calm down.

"He is." Forsyth answered. "He's waiting in the car."

"Faye! That's so incredibly disrespectful!" Alm was saying to Faye, face set in hard lines. "What you were doing- it's- it's unforgivable!"

Gray knew where this was headed, and when his eyes met Kliff's from across the room, they shared a silent look of understanding.

This was a fight that was a long time coming. Faye and Alm had issues that were maybe not _worse_ than Tobin and Gray's but definitely _different_.

"Unforgivable?!" Faye gaped, her eyes wide as her voice shook. "Alm, what are you saying?!"

"Let's go, Tobi." Gray murmured quietly to his best friend, scooping him up to carry him out of the room.

"I'm saying that I clearly don't even know who you are anymore! How could you even think of doing this to Tobin?!" Alm snapped back at her. "And then you refuse to own up to it and try to blame him!"

As much as Gray would love to hear Alm tear Faye down, he had to worry about Tobin right now.

Python led them out of the room and down the stairs, baring his teeth at anyone who so much as glanced their way while Forsyth followed Gray.

Luckily most people were blissfully unaware, too busy drinking and dancing to pay much attention to them as they slipped out of the house.

The cool air felt good on Gray's warm skin, and the quiet seemed to help Tobin calm down.

"I'm so sorry, Tobin." Gray whispered as he slowly followed Python and Forsyth who had gone ahead to talk to a pale and worried looking Lukas. "I just- I just came to see you."

"Gray." Tobin said quietly, voice hoarse from crying. "I can't- I can't right now. Will you... will you just hold me?"

Gray couldn't help but squeeze Tobin closer to him.

"Of course, baby. Anything you need."


	2. And I Do Wanna Love You, And I Do Wanna Try (So Hold Back Your Tears This Time)

Gray was nervous. Beyond nervous. 

Nervous was an understatement.

"Thanks for this, Clive." Gray told him as he got out of the car.

"It's no trouble, Gray, thanks aren't required." Clive smiled at Gray, something proud in his expression. "I'll be back in half an hour if I don't hear from you or Lukas before that. And Gray?"

Gray paused, about to shut the door. "Yeah, Clive?"

"Don't be so nervous, you know Tobin. I have faith that everything will work out fine." Clive's smile was softer now, tone reassuring.

Gray huffed a small laugh before closing the car door and waving.

He entered the lobby of the quiet apartment building where Lukas lived and pushed the button for the elevator. 

Yeah, Gray knew Tobin, but that was a part of the problem. 

Tobin didn't forgive easy, he never had.

Taking a deep breath, Gray got onto the elevator when it opened for him and pushed the button for Lukas' floor.

At least he could see where Tobin was spending most of his time these days.

Gray got off the elevator and found that his heart beat faster the closer he got to Lukas' door.

Fuck, it was one thing to go to a party expecting to be turned away, and another thing for a talk to be _scheduled_.

"Gray! Lukas was worried you may have gotten lost." Gray almost jumped, turning quickly to see Forsyth coming off the elevator.

Gray let out a quiet sigh, relieved to see it was Forsyth and not Python or Lukas.

Gray had always gotten along well with Forsyth, their energetic optimism was a trait that they enjoyed in each other even if most others didn't.

"Hey Forsyth, how's it going?" Gray greeted with a grin.

For just a second, he could imagine that everything was normal. That the last few months were just a sick sort of fever dream.

"Ah, well-" Forsyth stopped to stand next to Gray, a hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Python's been on edge ever since the party. I honestly didn't realize he could get so worked up about- well, about anything at all, really."

Gray huffed a laugh that didn't sound the least bit genuine. He knew what Forsyth meant.

"Tobin seems to be doing okay," Forsyth continued, voice quieter than Gray had thought him capable of. "But it honestly seems like _that's_ bothering Python the most."

Forsyth began walking slowly towards Lukas' apartment and Gray walked beside him.

"I'm worried, Gray." Forsyth blurted, suddenly stopping. "I know- I know you have your own stuff to worry about, but... I'm worried about Python and Lukas."

Gray stopped too, turning to look at Forsyth in surprise.

Forsyth, Python and Lukas were a dream team, clearly all completely in love and seemingly perfectly matched. Gray was beyond surprised to hear that Forsyth was _worried_ about the two of them.

"Why, Forsyth? I thought you three had the most well adjusted and steady relationship I'd ever heard of." Gray tried to joke, hoping to lighten the mood.

Forsyth shrugged, frowning as he looked at his shoes.

"They've been arguing. Well," Forsyth paused with a soft, humorless chuckle. "Python's been arguing and Lukas has been... avoiding."

"I don't know, just something feels... not right." He seemed to deflate even further. "I try to stay out of their fights because picking sides never helps, but it's just... it's hard to watch sometimes."

Gray nodded, thinking back to younger years when Kliff and Tobin would fight. He, Alm, and Faye all knew better than to try to intervene.

"Hey man," Gray said, taking a step closer to Forsyth and putting what he hoped was a comforting hand on Forsyth's shoulder. "You guys all love each other. And they love each other, right?"

"Yes, of course! Python turns into the most unbearable mother hen whenever Lukas is involved and Lukas- you can just tell. He just kinda melts, you know?" Forsyth was smiling now, fondness radiating off of him. "He gets this soft look in his eye and he'll always touch us if we're close by, and he's bad for being a mother hen too, you know?"

Forsyth began walking again, looking happier than he had when they'd first started talking.

"You know, my dad left when I was a kid, and my mom's always babied me because of it." Forsyth told him with a short laugh. "I never thought I'd end up with _three_ moms determined to baby me!"

Gray snorted out a laugh, ignoring the faint ache in his chest.

His dad also left, but his mother never tried to make up for it.

Gray's sisters had tried, once upon a time, but they were gone now.

"I'm happy for you, man. As long as you guys love each other, you'll be okay." Gray said honestly.

Just because his mom was shit didn't mean he couldn't be happy for Forsyth, and he was glad that Tobin had the three older teens around so he wasn't alone.

Gray could at least rest easy that Tobin was in good hands, and would continue to be.

"Lukas, I found him!" Forsyth called cheerily, voice a little too loud as he opened the door.

Gray followed him into the small, neat apartment. 

He always had wondered why Lukas lived on his own, and how he had managed it.

Maybe he should ask Lukas about it one day.

"I'm glad to hear it." Lukas replied, standing up from his seat on... Python's lap?

Gray barely resisted the urge to blush.

Lukas didn't seem the type for that kind of thing, and at school it was normally Python draping himself all over Forsyth and Lukas.

But this _was_ Lukas' home afterall.

Python was sprawled on the couch, looking displeased that Lukas had stood up, hands lazily trying to pull the other boy back.

Lukas easily stepped out of the range of Python's lazy attempts.

Gray heard a soft snort and looked to see Tobin coming out from a short hallway. 

Tobin met his eyes for a moment before looking back at Python.

"You're pathetic." He sniffed at the teen on the couch.

"I'm _deprived_ , twinky." Python whined, still making lazy grabby hands at Lukas. "Gotta get my daily dose of my ginger stud."

Lukas was watching the two with amusement written on his usually placid face, purposely standing only inches outside of Python's reach.

All of a sudden Forsyth was there, placing one confident hand on Lukas' hip and another in red hair as he leaned down to kiss his boyfriend deeply.

"You see, twinky?" Python bemoaned, "I'm chop liver here."

Forsyth pulled away from the kiss after a moment, but stayed close to Lukas, staring into his eyes in a display so mushy that Gray had to look away.

"Forsyth?" Gray heard Lukas murmur, curious and the slightest bit breathless.

"I love you." Forsyth stated, voice warm with affection and feeling.

Gray couldn't help glancing back at them, seeing that Forsyth and Lukas hadn't moved, and seeing the uncharacteristically tender look on Python's face as he watched his two boyfriends.

"I love you too, Forsyth." Lukas answered softly, hand coming up to gently cup Forsyth's cheek.

No one spoke for a moment, as Lukas leaned in to kiss Forsyth chastely once more.

The oddly tender air in the apartment broke when Lukas moved, and Gray let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. 

He still stayed quiet as Lukas moved to kiss Python over the back of the couch.

"Come, Python, we should give Tobin and Gray some privacy to speak." The redhead murmured warmly as he ran his fingers through the other teen's hair.

"Sure thing, stud. So long as we're headed for the bedroom." Python grinned lazily, voice heavy with suggestion.

Gray watched as Lukas seemed to freeze for a moment before Tobin snorted loudly and Lukas straightened up.

"That's gross, Python." Tobin complained, dropping himself into the single seat recliner.

"One day you'll grow up and understand, twinky." Python preached dramatically as he stood up from the couch. "When you catch yourself a fine man like Lukas, you'll always want him in your bed."

Lukas chuckled softly as Tobin snorted again in distaste.

"I think the kitchen will suffice, Python. You did want to be close in case you felt you needed to intervene." Lukas' tone seemed to Gray as smooth and collected as it always was, but Python was frowning.

Gray glanced at Forsyth and saw the slight worry on his face.

"Yeah, Python, the kitchen is good. Maybe we can start making dinner?" Forsyth interjected, a hint of anxiety in his voice that instantly focused both his boyfriends' eyes on him.

"Yeah, that sounds good." Python agreed, tone easy despite the sharpness of his eyes.

He slowly made his way around the couch and followed Lukas and Forsyth into the kitchen.

Leaving Gray and Tobin alone.

Gray bit his lip, looking at Tobin who was looking pointedly at the kitchen doorway.

Tobin had decided on the silent treatment then. Gray winced slightly, but gingerly sat down on the couch.

The silent treatment had to be Gray's least favorite form of Tobin's anger, but he knew he deserved it.

"Tobes..." Gray murmured quietly, almost afraid to speak any louder. "How are you doing?"

"What did you come to the party to say?" Tobin asked, looking at Gray and cutting straight to the point.

Gray couldn't help but chuckle softly.

"Is this a joke to you?!" Tobin snapped, face twisting in anger.

"No!" Gray rushed to say, holding his hands up as though in defense. "I'm just... I've just missed you is all."

Tobin seemed to sag in his chair at that, and when he spoke his voice was barely a whisper. "I miss you too, Gray."

Gray couldn't help the small smile that twitched his lips.

"I'm glad you haven't forgotten me, Tobin." Gray admitted quietly, feeling a pang of guilt as he spoke the words.

"I could never forget you, Gray." Tobin conceded, voice still quiet and solemn. "I... You mean too much to me."

Gray felt his heart squeeze, warmth filling his chest with a wonderful sort of pain.

"I'm sorry, Tobin." Gray said at last, feeling like he was choking on the words. "I'm so, so sorry, Tobi. I've really fucked up, and I know it."

"Do you, Gray?" Tobin asked, voice hitching wetly. "Do you really know how bad you've fucked up?"

Gray dropped his eyes to the floor, realizing that _no_ , he really didn't know.

He'd gotten black out drunk too many times to guarantee that he'd never-

"Did I... did I hurt you, Tobin?" Gray whispered, horror colouring his voice as he looked back at Tobin.

"Not physically." Tobin said, meeting Gray's eyes. "But... you've said... things."

Gray felt his heart beat pick up, suddenly terrified.

"What did I say?" Gray dared to whisper his question, not entirely sure he wanted to know, but aware that he _had_ to know if he ever _really_ wanted to make things better.

"You- you told me about how pretty you thought I was, about how you wanted to fuck me." Tobin's voice was trembling and Gray felt cold with dread. "You told me that you loved me. Then immediately after you told me that you'd never let me be with anyone else, or you'd- you'd hurt anyone who touched me."

Gray closed his eyes as Tobin's first tears fell.

"Baby- Tobin, I'm so-" Gray couldn't finish, hot tears beginning to sting his own eyes as his throat felt like it was closing up.

"That- that last part was when I knew this couldn't go on." Tobin croaked quietly, trying to hold back crying as much as he could. 

"Tobin, I-"

"Was it true?" Tobin cut him off before he could apologize.

"I- I have no right to tell you who you can or can't be with. Tobin, if you wanted someone else, I always promised myself that I would let you go and support you." Gray told him, trying to put as much sincerity in as he could.

"But the other stuff." Tobin murmured, almost too quiet for Gray to hear. "Was it true?"

Gray nodded, finally opening his wet eyes to watch Tobin and his trembling lip.

"I love you, Tobi. I have forever, and I do think you're really pretty. But I never wanted to demean you the way I did." Gray couldn't help his own sob, the way it tore from him painfully.

For a moment, Gray longed for the numbness that alcohol gave him, but it was a fleeting thought.

He _hurt_ Tobin, he _disrespected_ Tobin.

He could never allow it to happen again.

"Tobin, I came to tell you that I'm trying." Gray finally managed to get out, trying to calm himself down but unable to. "I know saying it isn't enough, and I know it's gonna take a long time. But I- I have a plan."

"A plan?" Tobin asked, voice strained.

Gray dared to wonder if he'd heard a note of hope in the question.

"Yeah." Gray nodded, sniffling as he finally managed to get himself under control. "I'm leaving. I'm going to join the army."

Tobin made a distressed noise and Gray barely had a chance to blink before his lap was full of his favorite boy.

"You're doing _what_?!" Tobin nearly shrieked, both hands fisted aggressively in Gray's shirt like a lifeline.

"I'm gonna join the army, Tobi." Gray repeated, finally finding peace in his choice. "I need- I need to get my shit together. And there's no time to drink when you're in boot camp."

"No time to do anything when you get shot and die!" Tobin hissed, tears leaking out of his wide, frightened eyes.

Gray's heart squeezed again. Tobin was angry with him, but he was still this worked up over his safety. 

"I'm not gonna die, baby." Gray soothed him, daring to wrap his arms around Tobin. "I'm going to find myself. A better self. Someone you'd be proud to marry one day. Maybe."

"Did you just skip over asking me on a date, or even to _prom_ , and go straight for a fucking marriage proposal?!" Tobin shrieked louder, and Gray couldn't help wincing.

Gray idly wondered how soundproof Lukas' apartment walls were. And why Python hadn't come to kill him yet.

"Uh, maybe?" Gray offered uncertainly before taking a deep breath. "More like a promise. I love you, Tobin. More than anything else in this world, and I wanna be there for you."

Gray took another deep breath, his arms pulling Tobin closer without his conscious permission.

"But I can't do that right now." Gray confessed, heart breaking at the reality. "I can't. I would rather leave now and make myself into someone who can, than hurt you more and lose you forever."

Tobin was clinging to him now, face buried in Gray's neck as he cried.

There were no more words, Gray realized.

He had told Tobin what he had needed to.

Now they both had to let go, if only for a while, so they could come back together as better and stronger versions of themselves.


End file.
